A Little Bit of Life and My Best Life Later

I am in the youth group.  There are mostly awesome people in my youth group. It is epic. The end.

School is out for the summer. That is kind of epic, but much less so. I have discovered that I would way rather do schoolwork than clean up the house, work in the garden, etc. And also I already miss my friends. But then again, it is rather nice to not have assignments hanging over my head and stuff that I should be doing sitting staring at me. And I am looking forward to having time again to do things that I like to do. 🙂 Like read and hang out with my siblings.

Instead of using the quarterlies for Sunday school, we studied the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I think it’s fairly accurate to say that I have learned more in the ten or so weeks that we studied this book then in the last several years of using the quarterlies. It could be the outstanding teacher as well. But now we are going back to the quarterlies per the superintendents request.

Anyway, I was very impacted by this book. I feel like God is truly convicting me and speaking to me through it and I want to listen, but it’s really hard, because I think He’s asking me to give up some stuff that I really, really like. So my mind goes in circles.

It seems like far too often I go on these spurts of great fervor and dedication where I read my Bible regularly and listen exclusively to Christian music, and I spend my spare time only reading stuff about God and the Christian life. Then it’s over in a couple days and I go back to whatever. And then once I get too discouraged I go read the Bible, listen to some inspiring music and then I’m good to go for another week or two. It seems like I am spiritually fed, after all, how can I not be? I go to church twice a week and I get chapel every morning in school.

But, it’s like I’m using God like caffeine or another drug. I get my daily and weekly doses, but also every once in a while I need a little bit more to get me through my life without feeling horrible. And then every once in a while I get depressed and think that it’s all useless and that I simply lack the self-control and know-how to make it with God. This is not my ideal relationship with God, and I know this is not what He wants for me.

I think my problem is this. I don’t want God to be a constant part of my life. There are some areas where I like to forget about Him for a little while and then I’m fine with Him being around after that. But it’s really true. Nothing can stand in the way of my relationship with God. Even if it’s a small thing. If I see it, I need to eradicate it immediately, or my relationship with God will be harmed.

Something Mr. Chan talked about in his book was “My best life… later.” I think that I have been sort of pushing God off to the side a bit because I think, “I’m still young, once I’m older, these things will make more sense, there won’t be as much peer pressure, and I can start really focusing on God.” I was saving my best life for later. But I can’t do that. I have to do now what I know is right. Pushing it off won’t help, because, if reports are correct, it actually gets harder as you get older. And really, what is so wonderful here that any sane person would choose it over a relationship with God?

So, goodbye to lukewarmness and the convenient god I created. I’m going hardcore.

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